It’s good to dig within oneself. That is how you begin to experience your own depth. There is so much more to you or me than what our puny existence in this “reality” allows us to witness.

I’m sick of “reality”. I’m sick of “have to”s and “should have”s and “better than”s.

I crave something more. And I’m not talking about that programing we receive as young people in school to achieve achieve achieve.

I crave something more from my existence in this life.

I crave because I KNOW there is more to life than this that has been shown to me. That part of me that KNOWS God, that KNOWS I AM GOD, craves to be known by me completely. It craves in order to draw me out of my stupor, as hunger draws me out of bed when I can stand the pain no longer.

I crave because I live. But I crave to LIVE.

How are you living? Is it enough?
Let your hunger draw you out of yourself, into yourSelf.

Treat yourself as you would your most beloved friend.

You deserve to be loved by yourself.

You deserve to be your own beloved.

You are The Beloved.

Act like it.

Today, I don’t particularly like it here.

This may be because I haven’t had enough to eat today; I probably should have had the whole can of soup instead of half. It may be due to rolling hormones shifting my mood. It may be the wet socks keeping my feet slightly damp. It may be my still single state and feeling as if I completely lack the skills to flirt and “snag” someone. It may be the several hours I spent in Planned Parenthood today, supporting a friend invoking her right to choose. It may be this crazy, painful world; this place that makes terminating a pregnancy a seem like a good idea. Maybe it was the the article I read about the police killings in Seattle.

Whatever.

I could make my list stretch on, but what’s the point? At least I feel something.

Many blessings to us brave souls, choosing to exist here!

my heart
howled with joy
at first sight of the Columbia

driving,
I only pointed
grinning
tears whispering in corners

God help me

accept these things.

God help me

be what I AM.

God help me

to Love myself.

“Even in loving, it is Love that loves through us.”

–Ralph H Blum, The Book of Runes, on Sowelu